Can you believe it???

Wow, how time flies. I can't believe its been a year now that I have been on my own. It's been a very challenging year but I think I've done pretty well. Think I've felt pretty much every emotion there is from anger to joy. I'm pleased to say that as I sit here today, a year later, I am living a happy, healthy, stress free life.

I can't get over the change in not only my life but in the kids to. The kids are so happy and have adjusted quite well. They still have a lot of "issues" they need to get through but I think with time they will be able to. I hope that one day they will be able to get past the fear and anger and open up the lines of communication with their father.

I'm doing GREAT. It's been a rough road but I know I chose the right path. I have never looked back and questioned the decisions I have made. It hasn't been easy but I'm doing it and doing pretty damn well I might add!

Life is good. I'm living every day to it's fullest. I'm happy and for the most part stress free. Life is to short and I intend to live it not just survive it!!!!!

Lovin Life!!!

Yes, I am LOVIN life!!! It's amazing what a little change can do to a person =-) Been a little challenging sometimes trying to find myself but I think I'm doing a pretty good job. Life is to short and I intend to live it to it's fullest!!!!!

So lets see...kids are doing great. Out of school for the summer. Both still working. Nate got a promotion at Sonic. My jobs going alright. Still don't understand why no one can figure out how to move a person to the opposite side of the room!!! UGH that pisses me off! Someone tends to get a bit nosey at times. Oh well, I can deal just shouldn't have to.

Training for the 3 day has begun. The kids and I are super excited to do this together this year. We are all a bit concerned that we won't be able to raise all of the money though. They upped the individual commitments to $2300 this year...that's $6900 for the three of us. Yikes!! No worries...we are bound and determined to walk, we will find a way to come up with the funds.

Still having a ton of issues with my neck and back. Think I've found a pretty good Dr though. He is a pain management and spine specialist. He's been very good at letting me know exactly what is going on and what the best treatment plan is for me. I've started going to physical therapy three times a week. Seen a little improvement from that. Got me an inversion table. LOVE that. Odd feeling though hanging your self upside down for 30mins a day but it helps! Anyway, I'm still in a lot of pain but I will heal!!! No worries.

I celebrated my 38th birthday this weekend. I do have to say it was one of the best I have had in years thanks to a very special friend. He had the most beautiful PINK flowers delivered to me at work on friday and then took me out that night. Funny...as I'm sitting here writing this, I think he was at my 8th birthday party. LOL !!! 30 years ago?!?!? Oh my. Gonna have to go through some more old pic's. I promise not to use them as blackmail...I already found the best one for that =-)

Dating....well hmmmm, I'm not really sure on this one. You may or may not know that I had never even been on a date till my divorce. Guess that's what happens when you get married at 16. Anyway, I've been out a few times and have had a lot of fun but it seems to always go in the same direction (I'm sure you know what I mean by that) I learned a VERY hard lesson in the beginning of my dating experience and WILL NOT make that mistake again! Maybe that's why I'm feeling so odd with this guy that I'm hangin out with now. I can't quite get a read on things. He is so unlike most and it is sooooo refreshing. We can talk and talk forever and it just feels right. I'm just gonna take it slow, sit back and enjoy his company ( which I so very much do!!!) and see what happens. If it turns into something, great...if not, I'm totally fine with that also. He is an absolutely GREAT person who can make me smile and laugh more then I can handle at times. (my boss thought I was up all night crying the other day... I was, but it was from laughing so much that I had been crying! ) I know I will have a true friend for life either way.

I think that's about all I have for now....

~Terri~

Ha ha ha...I bailed out of work early today. I've done my time this week. It was time to get out and enjoy an afternoon for myself. And I did just that. Lucky for me, an old friend invited me out for a drink. Can't think of a better way to spend the afternoon. Good friend, good conversation...good times.

Have I mentioned lately how much I LOVE being single?? I love the freedom. I love not feeling guilty. I love not worrying. I love not having to walk on eggshells. I love not having to explain myself or my actions. I love being ME!

I still have a lot to deal with and overcome but I think I'm headed in the right direction. Life is good and I'm happy =-)

Kids are doing great! Nate hasn't had one of his head-aches in weeks. He's feelin great! Schools out for both of them here in just a few weeks. This year has sure gone by fast. Time to prepare for next year...they will both be Seniors. WOW time flies!

I've landed myself in the Dr's office four times in the past three weeks. I attempted pulling weeds and doing some major yard work a few weeks ago and messed up my back again. Nothing new lol. It hurts all the time anyway but I haven't been able to get any relief this go round. Thought I was going to end up making a visit to the ER the other day. Hurt so bad I was in tears. I haven't been in that much pain since childbirth...yeah it was that bad. Long story short, I'm seeing a pain management specialist now and will be going for an MRI soon to see what they find then might have to have some nerve testing done. Not looking forward to that. I don't want a bunch of needles stuck into my spine. OUCH!

Got lucky and have the weekend off. Wonder what I'll get myself into. For now, it's time to crawl in bed and catch up on some much needed sleep. Sweet dreams.

Blast from the past

Well its been quite a week. I took a few days off work mainly to spend the day (ha and day after) with Ashly as she celebrated her 21st birthday. We spent the entire day together running around and having fun. Lost a few bucks at the casino but it was worth it. Her friends took her out to dinner and clubbing afterward. She was delivered back home about 2am pretty "crunk" but safe . Thank you to the responsible DD of the evening! I'm pretty sure this was one of her best birthdays ever!

I've been blasted with the past this week taking a nice long walk down memory lane. Where I was 21 years ago, looking at old pictures and getting back in touch with old friends. Thanks to some of the "tools" out there, one of my long time friends was able to find me. I've felt so bad for not keeping in touch with her through the years. I think we've been friends since kindergarten. I tried numerous times to find her but no luck. I was crazy excited when I got a message from her. It's been at least 10 years. We have a lot of catching up to do.

It was really bothering me how I've lost touch with so many people. Especially some of my high school friends. I sorta disappeared rather quickly from high school. You see, 21 years ago, it wasn't so common and accepted to be 16 and pregnant. I dropped out the beginning of my Junior year without saying a word to anyone. I've often wondered how my friends were and where their life has taken them. Over the last year or so, I've been able to find a few of my old friends. Caught up a bit but never got to see them. I was doing a little more searching the other day and got back in touch with someone I've known since 4th grade and haven't seen in over 20 years. Shhh...don't tell but I had the biggest crush on him back in the day.

We caught up a bit through some messages. It was so nice to hear from him. Turns out he owns a business right down the street from me so we decided to meet up for lunch today. What a enjoyable time. It was so much fun throwing names out there to each other to see who we remembered and if either of us knew where they are now. It's good to know most of who we remembered are doing well. Next time I'm taking my yearbook so we can laugh at how funny we looked 20 years ago.

So I had the day off

Got up this morning, drug...and I mean DRUG, my butt out of bed only to get to work and find out the system was down.  Since I was there for overtime and there was really nothing I could do, I decided I would just take the day off.   I guess it's a good thing... I think my body and mind need to relax more then I need the overtime.  Seems to be harder and harder to get out of bed these days.  Don't know why,  can't sleep when I'm in it.

Thought I could use the day off to catch up on some housework and stuff but nope.  I did nothing productive.  Did what I HAD to do then nothing.  Bummer cause I have a lot of stuff to catch up on.  Can't seem to get motivated to do anything lately.  Oh well...the laundry and dishes aren't going anywhere darn it.

Nate had a follow up appt. with the neurologist this afternoon.  I'm not so sure I'm likin this guy.  We thought since he was doing much better maybe he would decrease the amount of meds he has to take and eventually ween him off them altogether.  Wrong.  Instead he increased one of them.  I don't really think that's necessary.  I had Nate in to see our primary Dr last week and even he thought the doses were pretty high.  The meds did work to get things under control but to increase it now just doesn't seem right.  We'll try it for a month and see if there is any difference and go from there. 

I found a new trail while doing the Climb.  Can't wait to get out there again just need to find someone to go with me.  It's so beautiful and peaceful up there.  You can see for miles and miles.

Off to the orchestra concert now.  

 

 

I made it to the Top!

We did it!!   Today was the Climb to Conquer Cancer walk.  I had about 37 people on my team, Logan's Heroes, make it out for the 5 1/2 mile climb to the top of South Mountain.   It was the perfect day to spend hiking the mountain for such a good cause.   I am so grateful that so many of my co worker and friends came out to support the fight.  Most have never been involved in anything like this and were amazed at the stories they heard of why people walk.  I told my story to everyone I could, even complete strangers.  There were plenty of tears shed and hugs given and received.  

I had no idea when I first signed up to form a team that it would become what it did.  So many showing their support by either coming out to walk or making a donation to the cause.  Even though I wasn't allowed to do any type of fundraising at work, the team managed to raise over $1600.   I'll double that next year!

Thank you to everyone!!!!!!!   Together we can make a difference.

In Honor of...

My Grandmother, Silly Illy, 2 time breast cancer survivor

My brother, Rod  kidney cancer

Gail, breast cancer

Jodi, breast cancer

In Memory of...

My Grandfather, Honey Bear, lung cancer  

Lucy, breast cancer

Jane, breast cancer

In support of...

Fran 

Irene

Mia, only 15 months old and fighting the battle   

Look out...it's been a BAD week

First off...if you are reading this and we happen to work together, PLEASE PLEASE don't ever mention to anyone about my blog site or what I write in here.  As I know this is not a private site, I don't care to share with most that I have it.

I am so incredibly pissed off right now I can't even think straight!  I've had a very long week and I guess it's all just coming to a head and I can't handle it anymore.  I've vented verbally where I could and it hasn't helped so maybe putting it down in writing will make me feel a little better.

I'm in utter disbelief and disgust that a very large company who is the major sponsor of a big upcoming event will send a company wide email and flyers asking you to volunteer, form a team, get involved, support, fund-raise, ect...  then tell you "sorry you are unable to sell things/solicitdonations for this cause at work or on the premises,"  we can only do fund-raising for **** in the office.  WTF!!!!!   Are you kidding me?!?!?  Your sponsoring this event!  If my memory serves me correctly, you asked us to do this.  Hmmmm....and how is it that other departments of the same company are allowed to fund-raise but we are not allowed to do ANYTHING???  The WHOLE company is the sponsor of this event.  UGH!!!!!   I volunteered. I formed a team. I am involved. I TOTALLY support the cause.   Please give my team and I the opportunity to raise money for the event that you are sponsoring.  I have 32 people on my team and we have raised over $1100 on our own.  Imagine what we could have done with  your support.

Moving on...

I've had so many feelings/thoughts passing through my head and my heart lately it's incredible. I'm exhausted.  This week was especially difficult on me.  I've even had to take a day and a half off work to try to get a grip on things.   I have this really bad habit of not telling people things if I fear it will hurt them, make them angry, or make them feel bad or guilty in anyway.  I will do just about anything to avoid all of that but I'm holding something now that is just eating away at me.  As I want to protect ones feelings,  I don't like what I'm having to go through with my ownfeelings about all this. I kinda feel like they do have the right to know but I just can't bringmyself to tell them.  It's killing me inside.  I can't sleep.  I lie awake for hours in the middle of the night just thinking and tying to figure out if I'm doing/done the right thing.  Do I just continue to keep my mouth shut and just deal with it or should I let tell them?  I'll probably just do as I always do and keep my mouth shut.

Enough about that.  Next...

Don't try to scare me with useless threats...it doesn't work anymore.  Just leave me alone.

And to top it off...

My teeth are killing me tonight!  I've GOT to stop eating ice!

Time for another serving of Pizookie then off to toss and turn for the night.

Good News!

Took Nate in Monday for another MRI.  Ugh poor kid.  He was stuck laying there in that loud as Hell, enclosed tube for over an hour.  It took so long because they imaged from his brain down all the way down his spine. Guess if you have to do it, all at once is the best.  He was pretty upset cause they lady kept telling him not to swallow.  Try that...laying on your back for an hour and not swallowing, yeah not.  Anyway, we went in for the follow-up visit with the Neurosurgeon today.  She reviewed the MRI films from Sept and the ones from yesterday and had only positive things to say. The Chiara is still there but is no longer being labeled as abnormal.  It has shrunk quite a bit lessoning  the pressure on his spinal cord and his brain stem. YAY!!! That's what we were hoping to hear.  She also said that there is NO build up of any spinal fluid anywhere!  There is no need for the surgery at this time!  WOO HOO!!!  Couldn't have asked for better news.  One less thing to worry about now. He still get the headaches but no where near as bad.  We'll still follow up with the Neurologist to see if he will need to continue the meds or if we will be able to ween him off of them. 

My Climb to Conquer Cancer team is increasing daily and there is still 30 days left to sign up! I'm so excited.  I thought I would only get a handful of people to sign up and walk.  My team, Logan's Heroes  is now up to 26 walkers and new people are signing up everyday.  I'm trying to get approval on some fund-raising ideas for work, so far we have raised $585.00.  Look out for a donation letter coming your way soon ;-)

I finally did it!  I got my first (and probably only) tattoo!!  Bet ya can't guess what it is???  I got a pink ribbon just above my right ankle.  It's only about an inch and a half tall but perfect for what I wanted.  The kids went with me to watch (and to take pictures so they could laugh at me later) I think they have now decided that they won't be getting any tattoos for themselves.  They asked if it hurt and I responded to Nate by saying " you couldn't figure that out when I grabbed your jacket and looked at you with the "OMG I'm dying here look?"  YEAH it hurt!!!  That's OK, I'm glad I finally did it.

I have more to write but it's getting late and I have a huge day tomorrow  Time for bed. Night all. 

A New Year...

Well its the middle of January and I haven't written anything since Christmas.  Think I'm past due.  I'm quite sure it will be all over the place and not make much sense because my mind is working overtime right now.  

I spent New Years not really the way I had wanted but I had a good time. I'm glad to have been able to put  2008 behind me and  start a fresh new year.  It seems to be starting off a little bumpy right now but I'm excited to see what the future holds for me.  

The kids and I are adjusting well to our new lives.  I've always been close with them but our recent changes seem to have brought us together even more.  They are the best!  School has started back up. Between school and work, our schedules don't work out the best. There are sometimes I feel I haven't seen them in days. 

Nate had to have a root canal the other day. The dentist gave him the same pills they gave me to sedate him.  HAHAHAH...who's making fun of who now!  Both the kids had a blast at my expensewhen I was all drugged up.  Telling me all about the crazy things I was saying and doing.  I got to get Nate back this time.  He was sooooooo funny.  Seeing dragons fighting and eating each other, thinking there are random chairs or people moving around,  not remembering how he got home and got into bed.  I guess you just had to be there to get the full picture but OMG it was so funny. 

I haven't been feeling to good lately.  I've lost quite a bit of weight since July.  19lbs... That is just way to much for me to lose. I'm to skinny as is.  I'm back up 5 pounds now so that's good.  Hoping the weight lose is just due to all the stress I've been under and I'll be able to gain it all back soon.  I did end up going to the Dr.  You know how I am with all the breast cancer stuff.  I do my monthly exams religiously.  This month I found a lump.  Thankfully, my Dr. was able to get my referal submited and approved the same day I saw him and I was able to get in the following day for an ultrasound and a mamogram.  I'm so glad they called back so quickly with the results I would have been even more of a basketcase then I already was.  Everything turned out to be benign.  Thank goodness!!!  I didn't tell anyone (well one person) what was going on because I didn't want to have anyone worrying  and it is pretty personal stuff ya know,  but then I got to thinking...cancer can strike anyone at anytime.  What have I been doing for the last 2 1/2 years?  Trying to raise awareness for exactly this!  I haven't been running around telling everyone my personal stuff  but I have had several people tell me I reminded them it's that time again or that they really should pay better attention and do the monthly exams and get checked by the Dr regulary.

That leads me to my next journey.  I'm getting ready for another walk.  Climb to Conquer Cancer.  It's a 5.5 mile hike up South Mountain.  (ha then you got to walk back down...or at least I will be =-)  This will be the 4th year I've particapated in this one.   I decieded to form my own team this year.  Logan's Heroes (thanks Remo) I soooooo love the team name!  (so does everyone else)  I have about 5 people signed up as of now with quite a few more joining soon.  I'm really excited about getting back out there and doin some walkin.   Also working on getting the center I work for involved for some fundraising. I'll let you know how it all turns out.

I hate health insurance companys!!!!!!  I'll try to make this the short version. (trust me I could REALLY go off on this one) anyway... So Nate was scheduled for his follow up visit with the neruosurgeon Jan. 6th.  Two days before his appointment, I get a bill for $280.00 WHAT?!?!? It was a 20 min. office visit.  You've GOT to be kidding right?  Nope.  My ins. company says the surgeon isn't covered by my plan.   I called and talked to the lady at the Dr office to figure out what was going on.  Turns out that the Dr wasn't contracted with the insurance till November.  We had to move our appointment up from Dec. to Sept. after we had the emergecy room visit per Dr's orders.  The Dr's office is going to try to try to get the claim to go thru and I'm going to appeal it. We'll just have to wait and see what happens.  In the meantime though, I've had to change his appointment 3 times while we try to get this straightened out.  We want to be sure that he will be covered or I'll have to find another Dr and start this whole thing over which I REALLY don't want to do.  He is feeling pretty good these days.  I do think the meds are helping.  He still has his headaches, he's not had any really, really bad ones with all the crazy side effects thank goodness.

Opps....think this one got away from me tonight.  It's after 1am...I'm so tired, been working a lot of overtime again.  Keeps me busy I guess and not bad for the pocketbook either. 

Wishing you all well, 

~Terri~