Look out...it's been a BAD week

First off...if you are reading this and we happen to work together, PLEASE PLEASE don't ever mention to anyone about my blog site or what I write in here.  As I know this is not a private site, I don't care to share with most that I have it.

I am so incredibly pissed off right now I can't even think straight!  I've had a very long week and I guess it's all just coming to a head and I can't handle it anymore.  I've vented verbally where I could and it hasn't helped so maybe putting it down in writing will make me feel a little better.

I'm in utter disbelief and disgust that a very large company who is the major sponsor of a big upcoming event will send a company wide email and flyers asking you to volunteer, form a team, get involved, support, fund-raise, ect...  then tell you "sorry you are unable to sell things/solicitdonations for this cause at work or on the premises,"  we can only do fund-raising for **** in the office.  WTF!!!!!   Are you kidding me?!?!?  Your sponsoring this event!  If my memory serves me correctly, you asked us to do this.  Hmmmm....and how is it that other departments of the same company are allowed to fund-raise but we are not allowed to do ANYTHING???  The WHOLE company is the sponsor of this event.  UGH!!!!!   I volunteered. I formed a team. I am involved. I TOTALLY support the cause.   Please give my team and I the opportunity to raise money for the event that you are sponsoring.  I have 32 people on my team and we have raised over $1100 on our own.  Imagine what we could have done with  your support.

Moving on...

I've had so many feelings/thoughts passing through my head and my heart lately it's incredible. I'm exhausted.  This week was especially difficult on me.  I've even had to take a day and a half off work to try to get a grip on things.   I have this really bad habit of not telling people things if I fear it will hurt them, make them angry, or make them feel bad or guilty in anyway.  I will do just about anything to avoid all of that but I'm holding something now that is just eating away at me.  As I want to protect ones feelings,  I don't like what I'm having to go through with my ownfeelings about all this. I kinda feel like they do have the right to know but I just can't bringmyself to tell them.  It's killing me inside.  I can't sleep.  I lie awake for hours in the middle of the night just thinking and tying to figure out if I'm doing/done the right thing.  Do I just continue to keep my mouth shut and just deal with it or should I let tell them?  I'll probably just do as I always do and keep my mouth shut.

Enough about that.  Next...

Don't try to scare me with useless threats...it doesn't work anymore.  Just leave me alone.

And to top it off...

My teeth are killing me tonight!  I've GOT to stop eating ice!

Time for another serving of Pizookie then off to toss and turn for the night.

Good News!

Took Nate in Monday for another MRI.  Ugh poor kid.  He was stuck laying there in that loud as Hell, enclosed tube for over an hour.  It took so long because they imaged from his brain down all the way down his spine. Guess if you have to do it, all at once is the best.  He was pretty upset cause they lady kept telling him not to swallow.  Try that...laying on your back for an hour and not swallowing, yeah not.  Anyway, we went in for the follow-up visit with the Neurosurgeon today.  She reviewed the MRI films from Sept and the ones from yesterday and had only positive things to say. The Chiara is still there but is no longer being labeled as abnormal.  It has shrunk quite a bit lessoning  the pressure on his spinal cord and his brain stem. YAY!!! That's what we were hoping to hear.  She also said that there is NO build up of any spinal fluid anywhere!  There is no need for the surgery at this time!  WOO HOO!!!  Couldn't have asked for better news.  One less thing to worry about now. He still get the headaches but no where near as bad.  We'll still follow up with the Neurologist to see if he will need to continue the meds or if we will be able to ween him off of them. 

My Climb to Conquer Cancer team is increasing daily and there is still 30 days left to sign up! I'm so excited.  I thought I would only get a handful of people to sign up and walk.  My team, Logan's Heroes  is now up to 26 walkers and new people are signing up everyday.  I'm trying to get approval on some fund-raising ideas for work, so far we have raised $585.00.  Look out for a donation letter coming your way soon ;-)

I finally did it!  I got my first (and probably only) tattoo!!  Bet ya can't guess what it is???  I got a pink ribbon just above my right ankle.  It's only about an inch and a half tall but perfect for what I wanted.  The kids went with me to watch (and to take pictures so they could laugh at me later) I think they have now decided that they won't be getting any tattoos for themselves.  They asked if it hurt and I responded to Nate by saying " you couldn't figure that out when I grabbed your jacket and looked at you with the "OMG I'm dying here look?"  YEAH it hurt!!!  That's OK, I'm glad I finally did it.

I have more to write but it's getting late and I have a huge day tomorrow  Time for bed. Night all. 

A New Year...

Well its the middle of January and I haven't written anything since Christmas.  Think I'm past due.  I'm quite sure it will be all over the place and not make much sense because my mind is working overtime right now.  

I spent New Years not really the way I had wanted but I had a good time. I'm glad to have been able to put  2008 behind me and  start a fresh new year.  It seems to be starting off a little bumpy right now but I'm excited to see what the future holds for me.  

The kids and I are adjusting well to our new lives.  I've always been close with them but our recent changes seem to have brought us together even more.  They are the best!  School has started back up. Between school and work, our schedules don't work out the best. There are sometimes I feel I haven't seen them in days. 

Nate had to have a root canal the other day. The dentist gave him the same pills they gave me to sedate him.  HAHAHAH...who's making fun of who now!  Both the kids had a blast at my expensewhen I was all drugged up.  Telling me all about the crazy things I was saying and doing.  I got to get Nate back this time.  He was sooooooo funny.  Seeing dragons fighting and eating each other, thinking there are random chairs or people moving around,  not remembering how he got home and got into bed.  I guess you just had to be there to get the full picture but OMG it was so funny. 

I haven't been feeling to good lately.  I've lost quite a bit of weight since July.  19lbs... That is just way to much for me to lose. I'm to skinny as is.  I'm back up 5 pounds now so that's good.  Hoping the weight lose is just due to all the stress I've been under and I'll be able to gain it all back soon.  I did end up going to the Dr.  You know how I am with all the breast cancer stuff.  I do my monthly exams religiously.  This month I found a lump.  Thankfully, my Dr. was able to get my referal submited and approved the same day I saw him and I was able to get in the following day for an ultrasound and a mamogram.  I'm so glad they called back so quickly with the results I would have been even more of a basketcase then I already was.  Everything turned out to be benign.  Thank goodness!!!  I didn't tell anyone (well one person) what was going on because I didn't want to have anyone worrying  and it is pretty personal stuff ya know,  but then I got to thinking...cancer can strike anyone at anytime.  What have I been doing for the last 2 1/2 years?  Trying to raise awareness for exactly this!  I haven't been running around telling everyone my personal stuff  but I have had several people tell me I reminded them it's that time again or that they really should pay better attention and do the monthly exams and get checked by the Dr regulary.

That leads me to my next journey.  I'm getting ready for another walk.  Climb to Conquer Cancer.  It's a 5.5 mile hike up South Mountain.  (ha then you got to walk back down...or at least I will be =-)  This will be the 4th year I've particapated in this one.   I decieded to form my own team this year.  Logan's Heroes (thanks Remo) I soooooo love the team name!  (so does everyone else)  I have about 5 people signed up as of now with quite a few more joining soon.  I'm really excited about getting back out there and doin some walkin.   Also working on getting the center I work for involved for some fundraising. I'll let you know how it all turns out.

I hate health insurance companys!!!!!!  I'll try to make this the short version. (trust me I could REALLY go off on this one) anyway... So Nate was scheduled for his follow up visit with the neruosurgeon Jan. 6th.  Two days before his appointment, I get a bill for $280.00 WHAT?!?!? It was a 20 min. office visit.  You've GOT to be kidding right?  Nope.  My ins. company says the surgeon isn't covered by my plan.   I called and talked to the lady at the Dr office to figure out what was going on.  Turns out that the Dr wasn't contracted with the insurance till November.  We had to move our appointment up from Dec. to Sept. after we had the emergecy room visit per Dr's orders.  The Dr's office is going to try to try to get the claim to go thru and I'm going to appeal it. We'll just have to wait and see what happens.  In the meantime though, I've had to change his appointment 3 times while we try to get this straightened out.  We want to be sure that he will be covered or I'll have to find another Dr and start this whole thing over which I REALLY don't want to do.  He is feeling pretty good these days.  I do think the meds are helping.  He still has his headaches, he's not had any really, really bad ones with all the crazy side effects thank goodness.

Opps....think this one got away from me tonight.  It's after 1am...I'm so tired, been working a lot of overtime again.  Keeps me busy I guess and not bad for the pocketbook either. 

Wishing you all well, 

~Terri~

What a wonderful day

I'll admit I wasn't looking forward to Christmas at all this year. I thought it would be a tough one with the divorce and the passing of my Grandpa. I didn't put up our tree, no outside lights, no sending of the Christmas cards ...nothing. Instead I bought this silly little 2ft thing that half looked like a bush. It was a little package deal that came with a strand of lights and 12 funky looking little wooden ornaments. Took us about a week after I bought it to even decorate it with that. It wasn't until last weekend when I went to Zoolights that I had any desire to get into the holiday spirit. The lights, the carols, the family's spending time together...

Thats my favorite thing about Christmas. Spending time with all of my family. Laughing, joking, cooking, eating, and occasionally punching one of my brothers lol! I don't need presents. I just want to spend good quality time with family. I'm very close with my Grandma and Mom and Dad but really only see my brothers on the holidays. I treasure the time we share together. Its alway s blast.

Our Christmas started out last night with the traditional baking of the cookies for Santa. Ashly, Nate and I made about 3 dozen. Guess they think Santa needs to gain a little more weight. About 11 I decided I couldn't stay up any longer and wait for them to go to bed before I put the Santa presents out. I sent them to their rooms and told them not to go out snooping. Yeah right lol!

We got up early this morning and had our little opening of the presents. We didn't have much because we had agreed we would do just one gift for each person. It was perfect. More thought went into what that one gift would be instead of getting a bunch of stuff no one will use.

We headed over to Mom's about 11. Oh how I love walking into the house and smelling all that food cooking. Yummy! What a feast! There was 15 of us there this year. Smaller group then usual but plenty of tummy's to fill. After all the food is gone and dishes are done, Mom does just a few presents she picked up here and there. We really don't have any small children to do presents for now and with the amount of people we have there for Christmas we would go broke trying to buy for everyone. My family has a new tradition that we have done the last 4-5 years. Someone gets "picked on" for Christmas. Around Thanksgiving we figure out who we want to "pick on". Last year it was my Mom. She had seen a gold Xmas tree in a store and wanted to do one of hers in all gold. Everyone that was there last year brought her a present that had some type of gold ornament or decoration that she could put on her tree. The gifts she got last year sure did look beautiful on her tree this year. It's something she will treasure for years to come. Each one of her kids, grandkids, and other family members have something on her tree.

Guess who the decided to "pick on" this year? Me. I had no idea because they told me it was going to be someone else. I was very surprised. Bet you can't guess what the theme was for my gifts...pink stuff! If you know me, you know I have this slight obsession for pink things and anything with a pink ribbon on it. Well I got all sorts of cool pink stuff. Candles, perfume, lotions, hats, scarfs, a robe, pillows, a pink chair...heck to much to list. I even got a pink can opener and some pink rubbermaid food storage containers. It was so much fun opening all the presents. I'm not big on getting a bunch of gifts but this was really something special for me. Really made what I had thought would be a pretty crappy Christmas turn in to one that I will never forget.

I hope Santa was as good to you all as he was to me. Merry Christmas everyone!

Thought this day would never come...

I'm DIVORCED!!!!!!!

I came home tonight to find the self addressed, stamped envelope that I had to provide along with all the final paperwork to the courts a week and a half ago, sitting on the coffee table. My heart stopped. I dropped everything in the middle of the floor. Wait...I thought it was going to be 4-6 weeks, she said 4-6 weeks, and that is if I didn't make any mistakes??? Remember, I did all the paperwork and filing all by myself, no help from a attorney or anyone else for that matter. She said I would receive a letter stating any mistakes I made not the envelope. Crap, what could I have missed? I rip open the envelope and pull out the papers. By now I'm shaking so bad I could hardly flip through the papers. I see signatures and dates where there weren't any before... Could this be it?!?!? Is it done?!?!?

I looked through all the papers over and over, this can't be right, she said 4-6 weeks, its only been 11 days and that includes the weekends "Is this it? Is this it" I'm asking the kids...like they know. It's got to be! See the signatures? This IS it! ITS DONE!!!!! I'm running through the house jumping up and down with papers in hand trying to find the phone to call my Mom. No one answers. I try my Dads cell, go figure no answer there either. I know they are out to dinner with my brother celebrating his birthday so I call his cell. Finally get to talk to my Mom. I'm crying by now, (happy tears) I just can't believe this day is finally here.

I have been through Hell and back over the last 21 years. Not all of it was bad but it took so much out of me and so much away from me I only wish I would have had the guts to have done this sooner. I'm a much happier person now. So are the kids.

Ok so I still haven't got this blogging thing down yet but I was reading the post I did back in September, " Realizations" and it made me stop and think how much things have changed for me in such a short time. I'm truly a much happier person and my thoughts have changed on a lot of things so I decided to do it again just to see what my answers to these questions are today.

Ok so I still haven't got this blogging thing down yet but I was reading the post I did back in September, " Realizations" and it made me stop and think how much things have changed for me in such a short time. I'm truly a much happier person and my thoughts have changed on a lot of things so I decided to do it again just to see what my answers to these questions are today.

Realizations

1. I've come to reali​ze that my boobs​.​.
   could be bigger but I'm OK with them. LOL!
   
   *today* they haven't grown any in the last 2 months and I'm still ok with them lol
   
2. 
   

   1. I've come to reali​ze that my job.​.​.
3. is more and more demanding everyday.
   *today* needs to help me transfer out of that building and QUICK!
4. 
   3. I've come to reali​ze that when I'm drivi​ng.​.​.​.
   
   there may be a reason I'm behind that slow driver.
   *today* I have places to go, things to do, and people to see
5. 
   ​4. I've come to realize that I need.​.​.
6. 
   to find myself
   *today* I need to get out more
   
7. 
   
   5. I've come to reali​ze that my heart​.​.​.
   
   is in the right spot.
8. *today* it's still in the right spot
   
   ​6. I've come to realize that I hate it when.​.​.
   
   I have to be the middleman.
9. *today*I have to deal with the soon to be EX for any reason!
   
   7. I've come to reali​ze that when I'm drunk​.​.​.
   
   I like to play games like Mad Gab with great friends in Vegas.
10. *today* ha ha ha get me drunk and find out.
    
    ​8. I've come to realize that money​.​.​.
    
    doesn't make you happy.
    
    *today* is nice but still doesn't make you happy
    
11. 
    9. I've come to reali​ze that certa​in peopl​e.​.​.
    
    will never grow up
12. *today*
    
    10. I've come to reali​ze that I'll never​ be.​.​.
    
    
    perfect and thats OK, I don't want to be!
    ** I still don't want to be perfect and thats ok by me. I am who I am.
13. 
    11. I've come to reali​ze drugs​.​.​.​.
    
    are such a waste
14. *today*same answer
    
    12. I've come to reali​ze that my boyfr​iend.​.​.
    
    hmmmm don't have one
15. *today* welllll...I'll have to get back to you on that one in a few months
    
16. 
    ​13. I've come to realize that my cell phone​ ...
    is my lifeline
17. *today* has a VERY good battery LOL!
    
    14.​ I'​ve come to reali​ze when i woke up this morni​ng.​.​.​.
    
    I need more sleep.
    *today* I should have gotten up eariler
18. 
    15. I've come to reali​ze that last night​ befor​e i went to sleep​.​.​.
    
    
    I have SO much going on I can't handle much more...
    
19. *today* I was smiling when I snuggled in to my blankies
    
20. 
    16. I've come to reali​ze that right​ now I am think​ing about​.​.​.
    
    that same sh*t...
    *today* lots of good things
    
21. 
    17. I've come to reali​ze that when I get on Myspa​ce.​.​.
    I hope to see all of my friends still here.
22. 
    *today* Will there be a message or comment???
    
    ​18. I've come to realize that yeste​rday.​.​.
    
    was rough but I got thru it
23. ** so much fun baking with my girlfriends ALL day!
    
    19. I've come to reali​ze that today​ ...
    was ok
    **was an incredibly amazing day!!!!!
24. 
    20. I've come to reali​ze that tonig​ht.​.​.
    
    didn't go as bad as I thought it would
25. **was quiet
    
    21. I've come to reali​ze that tomor​row I will.​.​.
    
    start it all over again with a smile
    **be stuck at work all day...bummer
26. 
    22. I've come to reali​ze that I really​ want to.​.​.
    
    be happy and just be me
27. **enjoy life everyday
    
    24. I've come to reali​ze that i love.​.​.
    
    LIFE...minus the crap I'm having to deal with right now
    ** being FREE to do what I want, when I want
    
28. 
    25. I've come to reali​ze that this weekend.​.​.
    
    should be fun...yard sale to benefit The 3-Day and might go jet skiing with my brothers FUN!
    ** has truly been the best one in a VERY long time!
29. 
    26. I've reali​zed the best music​ to listen to when i am upset​ ...
    Avenue Q soundtrack....track # 13
    **still blast it when I'm pissed
30. 
    ​27. I've come to realize that some friends.​.​.
    
    
    will always be there for me
    **will stay by your side and support you no matter what.
31. 
    
32. 28. I've come to reali​ze that this year.​.​.
33. has been challenging, stressful, crazy, sad, and full of change, but the year isn't over...I'm expecting happiness, growth, strength and serenity,
    **is almost over and I'm very much looking forward to 2009 and a fresh start!
34. 
    ​29. I've come to realize that my next tattoo will be.​.​.
    
    my only tattoo will be a pink ribbon above my ankle..
    ** same and I'm going to do it real soon
35. 
    30. I've come to reali​ze that my family​.​.
    
    is absolutely incredible!!!!
36. ** and very supportive and understanding

Sorry about all the stupid numbers but to sleepy to worry with them!

It's chilly and raining today!!! Woo hoo... Its been a long time since we've had rain so it's quite a nice change. Add the fact that I actually got off at a decent time I was able to enjoy it...makes for something to celebrate. Should go curl up and watch a movie but I'd just fall asleep so I thought I'd write a bit instead.

Things have been settling down a bit. I think I'm on the uphill road to peace and sanity. HA! 5 months ago I didn't even know those things existed. I'm happy...get a little lonely sometimes but I'm happy.

The 60 day "cooling off" period for the divorce ends 12-6...you can bet my ass will be at the courthouse on Monday the 8th to file the next blob of paperwork. I'll tell ya, doing this without an atty is tough but I'm getting it done. (and saving a hell of a lot of money) Hell, maybe I'll take on preparing divorce papers as a second job and make a few extra bucks lol.

Nate seems to be doing somewhat better these days. He still has the really bad headaches but they don't seem to be happening so often and the daily ones are much more tolerable. Hopefully the meds are working well enough and we can rule out surgery. I'll keep you updated, going back to the neurosurgeon on Dec 2nd.

It's Thanksgiving... I'm looking forward to spending the day at Moms...cooking and hanging out with my family. I, again have so much to be thankful for this year...my family, friends, health, house, job, the list goes on and on. I'd go into some detail but I'm not planning on getting all teary eyed tonight.

It's late, I'm sleepy, and if I don't post this now you might not see it till Christmas. I wish you all a very safe and Happy Thanksgiving.

Love and hugs to all,

~Terri~